Recently the unidentified flying dog has been dubbed "Stellar Dog" by a retired Des Moines Area Community College instructor, Dee Johnson, who may have misheard students who were casually referring to the dog as "Super Dog". Johnson is reported to have retired from teaching this year in an attempt to devote most of her time to joining in Stellar Dog's mission.
Sightings of the the could-be-superhero have been intriguing Iowa residents for weeks since he was first noticed flying over a cornfield in October by a Zearing, Iowa farmer.
Betty Lou Smarks, 59, of rural Dallas County isn't worried. "I've seen it, my grandkids have seen it, and I ain't lying he's as cute as our little farm dog Buddy, but he flies up there with the Big Dipper like a dang UFO. First time I saw him I darn near called the FBI. But now I like the little guy, I leave some table scraps out for him every now and then. He has a mission here in Iowa, and I'm behind him all the way."
The effort to track down Stellar Dog has been a tough one. First was the highly-publicized legal battle for the return of a new high-speed helicopter owned by a popular Des Moines TV channel which had been borrowed indefinitely by the Des Moines Police Department. Next a well-known animal-rights extremist group became involved, refusing to allow any government or civilian group or individual to pursue the dog.
Finally this week, by disguising himself with a futuristic thermographic camouflage, reporter Dan Biggerstaff was able to catch a rare interview with the high-flying mutt.
According to Biggerstaff's report, Stellar Dog states his powers began
last September when he was just a pup outside an art museum. He was brought
there by his owner, Jake Edwards, age 8 1/2, who had snuck him on the
school bus in his backpack. While the children were in the museum, Stellar
Dog escaped from the backpack and attempted to enter the building. Promptly
he was escorted to the curb by Museum Security, who called Animal Control.
Refusing to live life in a cage, Stellar Dog led authorities on a three-state
chase, ending up in the cornfields of Central Iowa. There he was bitten
by a genetically altered horsefly. Soon after, he discovered that he had
developed some unusual powers, and was overtaken by a heartfelt desire
to rid the world of bad design.
Today Stellar Dog is an awkward teenage Chocolate Lab/Border Collie Mix, still struggling to develop the abilities that have allowed him to take on the responsibilities of becoming a costumed bad design-fighter. Stellar Dog's current plans involve a team of design students he has enlisted to help him fight, hand-to-hand, eye-to-eye, gut level with bad design. He calls this team the Stellar Stars.
Not everyone is pleased, however. Harold Dull, President of Overpriced Mediocre Art Group, had this to say (angrily): "I guess a snappy costume and a cool name is all you need to be a superhero. Maybe my wife's poodle Pookie can join up."
Still, Stellar Dog and his Stars will fight on, bold and intrepid, despite all odds and obstacles, battling the war against mediocre design and filling the world with uncompromising art.
-Story by Steph Fitzsimmons